“I’ve loved drawing forever”, if I said that I would be lying to all of you and even myself, maybe. It’s only recently that drawing, making doodles, sketching faces… scribbling my mind on the paper (with the hope that I might give it a form of art) became certainly one of my favorite activities.
“I like to draw” – this, I’ve been saying since I was a little kid and that’s true. Like most of the kids, I always got super excited whenever I got new colors. Colors are lovely. You can feel clear joy inside your heart when you are holding a packet of colors and there’s a blank white paper or canvas in front of you ready to be filled up, of course, you’ve got to have some neat-clean space and free time too to feel so, but whatever. As kids, we never thought about time flying with the speed of light, did we?
When I was in elementary school, I used to think that I was actually very good at art. Every year, before final exams, we had to submit a handmade project (it could be anything like DIY crafts, a painting, sketch, some kind of science model, or anything) and as far as I remember, I won many times with my drawings. That was it for me and drawing became my hobby. But as time went onand I entered an 8th grade, I began to feel less confident.
My friends always told me that I was good in art stuff but I clearly remember feeling jealous of some of my classmates who I thought were much better than me. I remember asking my elder sister to help me with my projects and many times took credit for her work in front of my classmates. I reckoned it would be perfect this way but deep down, my fear grew every day. You know that feeling when you think you are doing well at something but then you start to fear that someone might do much better than you, you start to fear that you might lose. I’m very familiar with such situations. For me, losing ain’t something that disturbs me, it’s that ‘what will they say?’ thought. It’s really easy to say that don’t worry about what others say, I say the same thing myself, yet, it’s painful to realize that it doesn’t lessen the effect of what others say about you.
Once a teacher of mine, when I was in 12th grade, told me that she had expected more from me. I was actually very happy that day because I was totally satisfied with my performance but after what she said, it totally broke me. Having expectations is right, but the way you express them to someone should be thought over at least twice. Why do you have to shatter someone’s efforts like that when you can first tell them that they did well and then cheer them to do better next time?
Though I was despondent about what happened that day, later I became thankful to that teacher because I realized I had begun to put more effort into things, and that just made me feel so good. Eventually, I had grown some spark inside me that I wanted to be better at drawing.
This year I started learning how to draw different facial expressions, understand body anatomy and facial structures, and it’s been such a great experience. In a short period of time, I could see that my sketches were getting better and it made me feel so happy. You know everything in life is not about competition and winning. It’s about doing what you love and then giving yourself a pat on the back and saying “You did well”.
That’s how drawing became a part of my self-care routine. I feel proud when I pursue my hobbies, whether it’s singing, playing guitar, learning Korean, writing poetry, or photography. I wish I could say that I practice drawing every day, but I can’t, I’m not really great in time management, but whenever I do, I feel joy. And that’s what matters, isn’t it?
Here’s my most recent work that I’m very satisfied with. Since it’s Navratri, I couldn’t think of anything better than this to make this festive season more memorable for me. Also, it was my very first time putting little details in a drawing as you can see the designs in the saree, I have huge respect for Mandala artists. But the result came out beautiful, don’t you think?
So that’s enough scrolling for today’s post. I thank you with my whole heart for reading, it really means a lot.
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