Dear old me,
Whenever I’ve written a letter or note to myself, I tend to fill the paper with rants, advice with real-life examples that are mostly derived from my own mistakes that fill me up with guilt and regret. What do I say to you?
I don’t even know that if I’m supposed to congratulate you you’re 100 years old. You must have been through a lot I know. If I could be brutally honest with this letter, I might unintentionally open some wounds again that you would rather not see again, so I’ll keep this light and the way you like.
So my first question… did we make it? I know I’m not all that you probably wish me to be at this point of life. You must have a lot of grudges against me. I’m not going to justify myself, I’m not going to say ‘I’m trying to give it my 100%’, because to be honest, I’m not.
It’s not like I do not want to though. I’m still struggling to stand up to my own standards. I want to do it right, but somehow I’m always doing it wrong. And that is enough to demotivate me.
Sometimes I wonder why I can’t be like others, when I look at other people of my age they seem to have found their thing, their goal. Something they are really good at or something they are determined to achieve. To give something your all, you first have to figure out that something in the first place, right? But in my case, I don’t know what is there for me? I’m afraid to focus on only one thing, because what if years later they tell me it wasn’t for me at all, what if I find out that it wasn’t worth it.
Still, I believe I will find my way when it’s the right time. I don’t have any reason to despise my life because I know everyone is struggling both inside and outside. I should be grateful for everything that I have, and I am, I truly am. And I promise you that I will become a better person and work harder to create a path you can look back to and smile at me.
And you know what? Even though I’m not so certain about our future, if you were in the same timeline as me, you’d be my role model, my biggest inspiration. Because I believe in you to be someone worth trusting, someone worth sharing my secrets with, someone worth looking up to.
Because one day, I want to be you. Maybe not 100 years old, but still you.
(P.S.- How was your first k-pop concert experience? Did any of my ‘fake scenarios’ ever come true? How many languages do you speak? Let’s play a game, how many songs do you know? One more, have you ever seen a ghost? Or maybe an alien? You can’t even imagine the no. of questions I have in my head right now but don’t worry I’ll let myself find answers to them. For now, I just want you to take rest.)
What would you say to your 100-year old self?
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